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Few Reasons Why You Don’t Want to Have Sex with Your Boyfriend or Husband

When you are in a relationship, it’s important to respect and understand the way you feel about sexual intimacy. Your partner also needs to respect and understand your choice and not try to get you to change your mind. This process takes communication. Let’s look at some reasons why you might not want to have sex and some ways that you can communicate your feelings.

Why you might not want to be intimate with your partner

If you are not in the mood for sex, it might be because of many things, including stress and life changes. If your lack of interest in sex seems unexplained or goes on for a long time, it can be a frustrating situation. Your partner might worry that you are no longer attracted to them (which could be true), and you might be wondering why you feel this way. However, there’s no reason to feel guilty for saying no, and you’re never obligated to have sex. Let’s take a look at some reasons why you might not want to be intimate.

Stress kills desire

Stress is a common cause of relationship problems. It can cause physical and mental changes, especially if not recognized and managed. There are many different things that can cause stress, such as work, exams, and grief/loss. Stress can cause arguments and misunderstandings in relationships. If you are constantly arguing or fighting with someone, you don’t want to spend time with that person, let alone have sex with them. 

It can be helpful to recognize the sources of stress in your life and find ways to reduce stress. This might be through exercise, a hobby, or taking a few moments out of the day for yourself. Chronic, long-term stress can lead to weight gain, sleep disturbances, mood swings, and decreased libido. By decreasing your stress levels, you may find that your desire for sexual intimacy increases.

Sex after having children

Welcoming a new baby comes with a lot of changes. Your body may be different after delivery, and you might experience weight gain, stretch marks, incisions, changes in breast size, etc. You may also experience hormone fluctuations that can cause mood swings and increased irritability. These are all part of pregnancy and the postpartum period. Eventually, your hormones will go back to their pre-pregnancy levels. 

Parenthood also comes with increased responsibilities and some sleepless nights. Make sure that you accept help from others when caring for a new baby. You need time to rest, recover, and recharge. With time, your new family will develop a stable routine, and you can set time aside for just you and your partner. This is important after having children. You are parents, but you are also a couple that needs time to yourselves to be alone together. This is essential for a continued loving and sexually active relationship. If necessary, make date nights and ask a friend or family member to watch the children for you. You deserve it!

Birth control can influence your libido

If you are sexually active and trying to prevent pregnancy, you may be taking birth control pills or using some other form of hormonal birth control. These hormones are effective at preventing pregnancy, but they can also cause side effects like decreased libido. 

Sex hormones — estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone — play a crucial role in how your body functions. These hormones are released into your bloodstream by the endocrine glands. They regulate your menstrual cycle, growth and development during adolescence, conception and pregnancy, appetite, and sleep. Because these hormones control and regulate so many different functions, they can easily affect the way you feel on a daily basis. 

If you think that your decrease in sexual desire is related to your birth control, talk to your doctor about your symptoms and possible alternative options. There are various types of birth control with different combinations and levels of hormones. You and your doctor should be able to find the right one for you.

Why you might not want to be intimate with your partner

Toxic relationship

Remember that it’s absolutely fine to refuse to have sex with your partner at any time, for any reason. You are never obligated to have sex with someone. If you feel forced or pressured into having sex, it may be this unhealthy relationship that’s causing your low libido.

It’s important for both people in a sexual relationship to enjoy the sexual encounter. Explain to your partner why you aren’t ready or in the mood. This lets them know that you are still interested and want to continue developing your relationship. A good partner will respect your choices and feelings. 

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Change in sexual attraction

If you’re beginning to wonder why you don’t want to have sex with your partner, ask yourself why that might be. Is it that you no longer find your partner attractive or are attracted to someone else? These can be difficult questions to ask yourself when you are in a committed relationship. 

If this happens to you, take a step back and think about what you truly desire. Explore your own sexuality and remember — or find out — what turns you on. You make the final decision, but don’t be afraid to ask for help from others to support you through this process.

How to become sexually active again

If you have been sexually inactive for some time, it may be difficult to get back into sync with your partner. Here are some tips to make that transition a little easier. 

Be honest with yourself

This is a good time to look at what you want in a relationship. You are the only one who can determine if you want to continue being with someone. You will need to decide if you want to continue your current relationship or end it. Whatever you choose, make sure that you are addressing your needs and feelings honestly. 

Be honest with your partner

If you are still attracted to your partner, explain what you are feeling and what your concerns are. Honest communication is one of the most important ingredients in a relationship. 

It’s difficult to maintain a healthy relationship when communication breaks down. It can cause both parties to feel mad, hurt, or both. It’s essential to let your partner in on what you are thinking. Avoiding the topic will never help.

Initiate sex

When you are ready to be intimate again, try initiating sex. This can be something as simple as hinting that you want to spend some time with your partner later that night or a sexy note left somewhere for only them to see. This small gesture can spark interest, and sometimes, the anticipation can help increase your libido. 

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Sexuality is a vital aspect of human life. Sex should always be on your terms. Your desire for sex may increase and decrease throughout different times in your life. Changes in sexual desire can be distressing but are very common. No matter why you’re not in the mood for sex, there are lots of solutions. Remember that it’s always okay to refuse to have sex with your partner whenever the timing, feelings, or situation isn’t right for you.

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