Classically, sex between a man and a woman ends with the man finishing and the woman, more often than not, laying there wondering: “did I?” or worse, having faked it. For women, reaching orgasm is much more than just a physical act, it’s also a big mental game. With 10% of women saying they have never had an orgasm, one of the reasons might be that females might not even know what an orgasm is, how it feels and how to achieve it.
Another reason might be that while getting to know our bodies and how to achieve female orgasms, we also have to understand that sex isn’t completely successful if both parties finish. Sex can and should be an enjoyable experience starting at foreplay and creating an intimate connection with the other person. Learning to enjoy the entire intercourse process and not just the finished product will make us more satisfied in our sexual relationships and overall in life.
Understanding that sex is a two-way street is important when talking about sexual satisfaction with your partner. When there are two people involved in the equation, one person cannot be more important than the other. We have to learn to be a little bit selfless and ask how the other person is doing, how they are feeling and what they want. When you know that your partner is also enjoying the process, you will enjoy it more as well, together reaching new heights and having better sex.
Women who are anxious or suffer from neurosis are less sexually satisfied than those who are not. Being anxious or depressed can stop you from reaching orgasm and sexual satisfaction. It might have something to do with being overly attached or having a fear of rejection. That could lead us to focus too much on our partner and forget about our own desires At the same time, it’s all about balance when all sides can experience sexual pleasure.
Sexual arousal is deeply linked with our blood flow and oxygenation. For both men and women to become aroused, there should be an increase in blood flow to the genital areas, namely penis and vagina(vulva). A study by Cindy Meston at the University of Texas shows that exercise right before sex not only increases the blood flow to the intimate area, but makes a woman’s body react more intensely to sexual arousal. So, a 20-minute run or cycle can help increase your blood flow and lubrication, making it easier for you to become aroused and ultimately, climax. Fitness can be a good option for those who have a low libido and want to increase their physiological arousal without medication.
Foods such as oysters, nuts and red wine are known to have properties that might make you a little more inclined to jump into bed.
- Oysters: this one’s a classic aphrodisiac food, but it’s not necessarily limited to just oysters. All shellfish contain substances that can increase the production of estrogen improving your chances to experience sexual desire.
- Nuts: these delicious morsels are known to increase blood flow, essential for sexual arousal. Their healthy fats help to increase your libido and minimize vaginal dryness, making sex more enjoyable.
- Red wine: studies show that up to two glasses of wine can help women lubricate and increase their libido. But don’t take it too far, more than that doesn’t seem to have quite the same effect.
For women, communication is a key step to sexual satisfaction. Usually, females aren’t taught to be vocal about their wants and desires when it comes to sex, expecting the partner to “do the work”. However, being able to talk about what you like, what you want and what helps you achieve an orgasm is what makes the difference between feeling frustrated and feeling satisfied. Open communication gives you a chance to explore your sexuality, try new things, or change what is not working leading to more satisfying sex for everyone involved.
It would be easy to assume that people who have more sexual experience would be more satisfied. However, that doesn’t seem to be the case. The evidence shows that those who have a long list of past sexual partners, are actually less satisfied. Looking for novelty elsewhere might be exciting, but it can also give us false expectations, leaving us feeling unsatisfied when a new person doesn’t perform as well as a past partner. If you or your partner don’t have a lot of sexual baggage, it doesn’t have to stop you from enjoying sex or even having the best orgasm. Au contraire, it might actually benefit you both!
And for women, being in a stable relationship is beneficial for their overall sexual satisfaction. Usually, it’s hard for them to achieve orgasm with someone new, since every woman is different and your partner might not know exactly how to help you get there. Communication and practice probably have a lot to do with it.
Self-exploration has been a huge taboo subject for women over the course of history. Women have been told not to do it, that’s it’s dirty, sometimes even dangerous. Unsurprisingly, the female pleasure was seldom talked about until recently. How women feel during sex and what stimulation they need to climax differs dramatically from person to person, and knowing what works for you is a great way to stay sexually satisfied being alone or with a partner
Toys are a great way to make sex more pleasurable, bringing a new and funny dimension into the bedroom, no matter what position you're into. It can help couples explore their bodies in different ways while keeping the journey to orgasm light and fun. Because women are so different one from the other, toys can help your partner find what works best for you and therefore increase sexual pleasure in bed. A quick tip: if you think you've tried everything in or around your vagina — go for some safe anal play; you might love it more than you think you would...
The importance of foreplay cannot be underestimated. While men can become sexually aroused and “ready” within seconds, for most women, that is simply not the case. Foreplay includes hugging, kissing, caresses and this is what allows the vagina to start lubricating which is essential for comfortable sex. Apart from that, foreplay is essential for the clitoris to become “erect,” just like the penis, and ready for an orgasm. For this to happen, communication is key. Tell your partner what you need to get aroused, talk about your erogenous zones and orgasms. Without sufficient foreplay, sex can be painful, unsatisfactory and uncomfortable.
Women’s sexual satisfaction is something we can definitely work on. Sometimes female groups are still left in the background of pleasure, like afterthoughts or secondary characters. We should understand the importance of everything intimate, from a single touch to being completely sexually satisfied, and start talking about what we want in bed with our partners.