How to Be Good in Bed for Your Partner: 10 Incredible Tips

How to be confident in bed

The first step in learning how to be good in bed is to learn how to be more sexually confident.

Expressing yourself sexually is an essential part of being human, because it helps you experience pleasure and develop intimacy. Having good sexual function is also important for regulating your needs and desires — emotional and physical.

Women’s emotions and sense of security in relationships greatly influence sexual arousal. Gaining confidence between the sheets also has the knock-on effect of boosting your libido, which will lead you to initiate sex with your partner.

On the flip side, if you don’t feel confident in your ability to be a great sexual partner, you might experience less arousal and may even start to experience sexual dysfunction.

So how can you be confident in bed? To be full of sexual confidence, you need to know what both you and your partner enjoy:

• Get to know yourself physically. Masturbate to learn what kind of touch you enjoy so that you can lead the way when you’re in bed with your partner.
• Breathe and relax. If you’re feeling stressed or anxious about sex, you’re not going to be in the mood for it. Keep your stress levels in check with regular exercise, a healthy diet, and a good work–life balance.
• Learn from the pros. Try watching porn or reading erotic novels — not to copy what’s there, but to explore different fantasies or increase arousal.
• Practice makes perfect. Ask your partner what arouses them and be prepared to try it out a few times before getting it right.
• Warm-up before the big moment. If you want to have sex with your partner, send them a sexy text telling them you’re in the mood. Touch yourself or stimulate your senses before you meet between the sheets to rev up your libido.

Learning how to be more confident in bed doesn’t happen overnight. Be willing to try new things and be patient as you develop your sexual confidence.

How to look sexier in bed

There’s some truth to the expression “look good, feel good.” Psychologists have studied the link between what you wear and how you feel. They’ve found that clothes that are old, baggy, or frumpy can leave you feeling more depressed than clothes that are newer or more stylish. So if the ratty college t-shirt that you’ve slept in for years isn’t doing it for you, it probably isn’t doing it for your partner, either.

Learning how to be more confident in bed could mean that how you look on the outside will start to reflect how you feel on the inside.

• Opt for lingerie that feels good on your body. Many lingerie stores have style consultants who can take your exact measurements and recommend the right sizes and patterns to flatter your figure.
• Play with color psychology. Red represents passion and romance, yellow exudes happiness and playfulness, and black generates power and authority.
• Keep your makeup to a minimum. If your sex session gets hot and sweaty, the last thing you want is mascara running down your face.
• Arrive fresh and clean. If you can, take a shower before sex and moisturize your skin with lotion to keep it feeling soft and supple.
• Smile! Approaching your partner with a sultry grin can boost your mood and signal to them that you’re excited to be intimate.

If you’re wondering how to look sexier in bed, it’s helpful to first learn to love your body. Sure, you might not love every part of your body all the time, but looking sexier in bed is as much about your confidence as it is about what you’re wearing.

What makes a woman great in bed?

Being a great lover can be one of the many ways that you show love and respect to your partner.

Plus, being great in bed can also be good for your health! Having pleasurable sex has lots of health benefits for women, including reducing stress, boosting your immune system, lowering your blood pressure, and even improving brain function!

Here are some great tips to help boost your sexual confidence and learn how to be good in bed.     

1. Make the first move 

Lots of people are attracted to partners who make the first move in the bedroom. When you initiate the first step, your partner will see that as demonstrating confidence and asserting that you go after what you want.

Making the first move also signals to your partner that you are interested in them, which can increase their arousal too.

2. Set the right mood

Humans are sensitive beings. Most of us can’t go from fully clothed to penetrative sex without some preliminary arousal activities. That’s where foreplay comes in! Foreplay is a great way for you and your partner to increase your sex drive and increase excitement and desire.

Foreplay can include any activity that leads up to sexual intercourse:

• Whispering your desires to your partner
• Kissing on the mouth or over their body
• Massaging different areas of their body
• Slowly taking your clothes off in front of your partner
• Fingering or handjobs
• Oral sex

Masturbation can also be foreplay. Like other sexual activities, masturbation can help boost your mood, increase your libido, and help make you feel good in your own body, which leads to sexual confidence.

There’s no right or wrong way to do foreplay. As long as whatever you’re doing is consensual and sexually stimulating for both of you, go for it!

3. Try different positions

While there is something to be said for sticking with what works, trying the same position every time can get monotonous for you and your partner. Explore different positions, taking inspiration from porn, erotica, or the Kama Sutra.

Trying different positions can also help keep the passion alive if you’ve been with your partner for a while, or if you are role playing. The partner on top is in a more dominant position, and being underneath or behind can be more submissive.

4. Make some noise

Being vocal during sex with moans, sighs, grunts, or whatever else comes out of your mouth in moments of pleasure can help reaffirm to your partner that you’re enjoying what’s happening. Plus, being loud during sex can help you express yourself and might even increase your pleasure.         

5. Let your partner see

When it comes to sexual confidence, it’s great to be able to put it all out there. Whether it’s letting your partner watch you touch yourself, or keeping the lights on when you’re having sex, letting your partner see all of you can increase their arousal.

It helps if you know what’s going on down there too. Get to know your anatomy by touching yourself or looking at yourself in a mirror. You might have to look closer, but women’s sexual organs become erect with arousal too!           

6. Don’t worry about your looks 

Learning how to be confident in bed involves being able to be in the moment without distraction. Sure, you may have spent some time getting yourself ready, but once you’re in bed, your focus should be on how you feel, not on how you look.       

7. Tell your partner how you want it

Sexual confidence is built by knowing what you want and getting it. If there’s something you know you like that your partner isn’t doing, find a constructive way to offer feedback without criticizing their efforts. If you can, try showing them how you want it so they can follow your lead.         

8. Keep things spontaneous 

If you want to surprise your partner in the bedroom, try suggesting that you watch porn together as a way of foreplay or introducing a new sex toy to mix things up. Making things fresh and spontaneous is a great way to keep it fun and interesting for both you and your partner.

And once you feel confident in the bedroom, you may be ready to get outside your comfort zone and try sex or foreplay elsewhere. Maybe you surprise your partner in the kitchen wearing nothing but an apron. Or perhaps you rub your hand across their pants under the table at a restaurant. Just like trying different positions, trying different locations can also be exciting.           

9. Talk about your fantasies 

Similarly to telling your partner how you like to experience sex, talking about your fantasies is another way to show your sexual confidence. Sex is as much a mental act as it is a physical one, so even if you don’t act out your fantasies, you can still be aroused by merely thinking or talking about them.           

10. Take control in bed 

Perhaps the most striking example of how to be more sexually confident is to take control in the bedroom. As long as you take control in a way that still respects your partner’s needs and desires, go for it!

Being great in bed is a two-way street. Learning how to talk to your partner about sex is one of the key recommendations by doctors on how to improve your sex life. Being confident is what makes someone great in bed, so practice these tips and don’t be shy.