How to help take care of your partner during her period

Just under half of the world’s population have periods in their lifetime. That’s a lot of people — but there are more who will never know what it’s like to bleed every month. If you’re in a relationship with a woman or someone who menstruates, but you don’t yourself, you might feel a little unsure of what they’re experiencing. 

One of the best ways you can be supportive of your partner when she’s on her period is to take some time to learn about how her menstrual cycle works. It might have been a while since your biology lessons, but getting refreshed might give you a better understanding of why your partner may not feel at her best at certain times of the month. This will give you the tools you need to communicate so you can offer emotional support and understanding if it’s needed when she’s on her period.

Here, US obstetrician and gynecologist Dr. Jenna Beckham gives the lowdown on how the menstrual cycle works so you can make sense of what’s going on in her body and understand how she might be feeling. 

Key takeaways

• It’s common for people to notice symptoms in the run-up to their period, including bloating, food cravings, fatigue, and mood swings. They vary from person to person, so not everyone will feel the same.
• Premenstrual syndrome (or PMS) is the umbrella term for the physical and emotional symptoms that your partner might experience before her period. 
• The best thing you can do to support your girlfriend during her period (or at any time of the month) is to talk to her and ask her what she needs.
• With her consent, tracking your partner’s menstrual cycle can give you an idea of when her period, ovulation, and fertile window are likely to be each month. Using Flo for Partners is one way to do this. You can download the Flo app here.
• Knowing where she is in her cycle can help you to know when to offer extra support if she’s experiencing changes in her energy levels, mood, and more.

What you need to know about the menstrual cycle

Before we get into it, you might have heard the terms menstrual cycle and menstruation used interchangeably. But they’re not the same thing. 

A period (also known as menstruation, or the days when she bleeds) is only one part of the menstrual cycle — there are lots of other processes and hormonal changes that happen throughout it. Understanding the different menstrual cycle phases can help you get to know what your partner might be experiencing — from when she’s most fertile to why she might feel a bit off in the days leading up to her period. 

Her menstrual cycle starts on the first day of her period, and it lasts until the day before her next period. This is usually about 28 days, but everyone’s cycle length is slightly different, and it can change from month to month. A cycle that lasts anywhere between 21 and 35 days is considered normal. “The menstrual cycle is a series of changes in the body, including hormonal changes and changes in organs like the ovaries and uterus, that occur usually each month in order to prepare the body for pregnancy,” says Dr. Beckham. 

The menstrual cycle includes two phases, plus two events. They are: 

• Menstruation (period): The first event in her menstrual cycle is the lining of her uterus shedding. This is the bleeding you’ll know as her period. “Periods can vary from person to person and even from month to month,” says Dr. Beckham. “It is considered normal if a period lasts between two and seven days, although most commonly, they are three to five days long.” 
• The follicular phase: The follicular phase begins on the same day as her period and spans around half of the cycle, ending with ovulation. During this phase, your partner’s hormones (mainly estrogen) rise to stimulate the production of an egg, and cause the lining of her uterus to thicken in preparation for a potential pregnancy. 
• Ovulation: Your partner’s ovaries usually release an egg around 14 days before her next period, which is roughly the middle of her cycle. This is the second event in her cycle, known as ovulation, and it’s around this time that she can get pregnant. There are six days in her cycle known as her fertile window. That’s because sperm can live inside her for up to five days, and the egg can then survive for 12 to 24 hours after it’s released. Take note, though: Ovulation won’t necessarily happen on the same cycle day each month. 
• The luteal phase: The second phase of her menstrual cycle usually starts after ovulation and lasts about 14 days, ending when she gets her next period. Once the egg has left her ovary, it travels through her uterine (fallopian) tubes to her uterus. If this egg is then fertilized by sperm and attaches itself to her uterine wall (known as implantation), she becomes pregnant. If a pregnancy doesn’t occur, her hormones send a signal to her uterus to shed its lining as a period, and the cycle starts again. 

Signs her period is coming

Everyone experiences their menstrual cycle differently, but it’s common to feel sensitive (both physically and emotionally) in the run-up to a period. That’s because hormonal changes toward the end of the luteal phase (around the week before your partner’s period is due) can bring a mixture of symptoms. Collectively, these are called premenstrual syndrome, or PMS, and you can treat them as signs her period is coming. 

Three in every 4 menstruating women will experience some level of PMS, but no two people will feel the same. Your partner might have all, some, or none of the following symptoms:

• Headaches
• Cramps
• Tender or sore breasts
• Bloating 
• Tiredness
• Breakouts or oily skin
• Reduced or increased appetite or food cravings
• Feeling sad or anxious 
• Having a lack of interest in activities
• Insomnia or needing to nap more often
• Changes in sex drive
• Trouble concentrating
• Irritability

PMS-related symptoms will usually clear up a few days into her period. Being aware of how she might be feeling during this stage of her cycle can go a long way and will help you to know when to offer more support.

One great way to do this is to use Flo for Partners. With your wife or girlfriend’s consent, you can now pair your devices to keep up to date with where she is in her cycle. You’ll also get easy-to-understand information and proactive tips that will help you better support your partner at every stage of her menstrual cycle. Download the Flo app to get started.

What to do when your partner is on her period

You might be wondering if you should leave your wife or girlfriend alone on her period or if she’d prefer you to be extra attentive. Really, there’s no hard and fast rule because everyone is individual, and people need different things at different times. 

Some women prefer “me time” during their period, while others might crave company. If you’re not sure what she needs from you, the best thing is to ask. “[A period] is a normal function of the body and should be treated as such,” Dr. Beckham explains. “The person who is menstruating should be asked or be able to express how they feel and what they prefer. Their preferences may vary, even from one cycle to the next.” 

“Talk to your partner and ask them what they prefer and how you can be helpful and/or supportive,” Dr. Beckham adds. “Some individuals may just want to continue with their daily lives as normal and may not be significantly affected by menstruation.” It’s also worth keeping the following suggestions in mind:

Be as affectionate and kind as always

If you can’t gauge her mood, it might be tempting to distance yourself from your partner. While some women do become introspective at this time, this rule doesn’t apply to everyone. She might feel more sensitive than usual and prefer more affection, so try to be your usual loving self.

Keep a stash of period products at your place

If you don’t live together and she’s on her period, there’s nothing worse than not having period products on hand when she needs them. Make her feel comfortable by asking her what she uses and stashing some tampons or pads at your house so she knows she’s always covered.

Stock up on over-the-counter painkillers

More than half of women report painful periods at some point in their lives. For the most part, period pain involves mild cramping on the first day of her cycle, but for some women, period cramps can be debilitating. If they’re safe for her to take, keep ibuprofen and other over-the-counter meds in the house in case she needs them, and consider offering her a hot water bottle or a warm bath during her period to ease any pain.

Make her favorite comfort food

If your partner is hit with cravings during PMS, indulge them with her. Research shows that — thanks to changing hormone levels during their cycle — many women crave high-carb and sweet foods in the run-up to their period. That said, going overboard on junk food may make her feel worse. So, offer to stock up on healthy alternatives such as dark chocolate, fruits, leafy veggies, nuts, and seeds. But if she craves pizza, so be it. A little bit of what you desire is no bad thing.

Let her rest if she wants to

During her period, estrogen levels dip, which can result in her feeling less energized at this time. If this is the case, take her lead on what she feels like doing — even if it involves very little. That said, gentle exercise can reduce PMS symptoms, so it may help to suggest going for a walk or a gentle yoga class if she’d like to.

What if you’re in a long-distance relationship?

If you don’t live together or you’re in a long-distance relationship, you may be wondering how you can offer support to your partner from afar while she’s on her period. “You can always reach out with a text or call to check in and see how they are feeling and/or to let them know you are thinking about them,” says Dr. Beckham. “If they are feeling poorly, they may enjoy flowers, food delivery, or just a note.” 

Remember, general advice is helpful, but the most important thing is to do what feels right for you and your relationship. Only you know your partner and what she might appreciate, so there’s no need for bigger gestures if it’s not typically the way you show each other you care.